Just saw a Mexican guy pushing a stroller with 3 twelve packs of corona in it with a toddler struggling to keep up on foot behind him
yes, the chronicles of narnia is exactly what happens when you do crack inside of a wardrobe.
I think I may have appendicitis, but the house is like two blocks from the hospital so I'm just gonna go and drink anyway.
Thanks for talking me down from peeing on his window last night.
I am now curious as to how you would have aimed.
Imagine the time you most wanted to kill yourself. Now add a room full of jail bait and no booze. Multiply that by a million.
I don't appreciate the fact that you tagged me as a giant bucket Miracle Whip.
Living room yoga. I'm too hungover to deal with anyone else's chi today.
I'm not afraid to fist fight your child if I feel he is standing in between me and some tacos.
Making drunken Mac n cheese at 3 am I understand why witches constantly stir their cauldrons. Much more homogenized temperature and slim chance of boiling over. Good job witches.
It's a low moment when you're looking at your girlfriends tits on your daughter's phone..
Ur wingman ability is causing serious doubt
Ok first off its WAY easier if you are actually here
I just fell out of my doorway to go to class so if that doesn't describe how my night went idk what will
Who knew that showing someone your boobs would make them stop crying.
I'm still hammered too. I started tweeting the time at one point I'm pretty sure.
That said I did get head on the roof of a 15 story building which, regardless of quality, is still cool
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