never play flip cup with pint glasses
and in the morning, while we were eating breakfast, she was all " i think someone sneezed into my shirt..." she'll never know.
He tried to say the picture wasn't him. Like I'd forget his curved boner.
hey, do you know how many packets of jello it takes to turn a handle of vodka into slutty girls?
I am a human short and spout . Here is my jager Herr is my redbull . When i get real drink i shout out. Tip me over and pour yeager out
Dude, seduce him with cookies. You almost turned me gay with scones. Don't be surprised when they get you laid.
Oh yeah, found out i got it from my boyfriend's wife. Thanks though.
So I'm sitting here baked on a bridge thinking about how plants think, I miss you so much
For a man with no legs he was surprisingly good at doggy style.
I don't know whether to high-five you or stage an intervention.
At this point in job hunting, I'm willing to become a leather daddy if it means some sort of income.
I woke up with "To whom it may concern" sharpied on my dick
He's actually really cute and seems like a good guy. And given that he likes lots of drugs, he could come in handy.
Officially the best daughter ever. I just restocked my parents alcohol that I stole last night AND ADDED TO IT
Well it might’ve been because you asked to play What Makes You Beautiful at the club
Hey do you remember me?
You were a giant banana.... how could I forget.
Randomize
