Yeah unless I can find some idiot to make love to
He could be your dad!
We discussed that right before he asked for my number
I'm watching Terminator eating a jar of marshmallow fluff. Trust me, you are not fat.
I am so stoned and my professor is handing out candy. I love Halloween.
I woke up naked in my own vomit. Not even in my bed. No one is happy.
I think I might stay on campus instead of going home for thanksgiving and see how many townies I can hook up with and no one will be around to judge
After last night, I've decided I will now bang only men who professionally ride things for a living. I will accept jockeys, cowboys, bullriders, and pro bicyclists who lie and say they're bullriders.
I found a pair a guys underwear in my purse that has a British flag on it and says and I quote "British beef" what.the.fuck.
Agreed then we'll really be on our A game tomorrow. And by A I mean alcohol.
There's nothing quite like having a little 8 year old boy hand me a Bible on campus while I'm on my way to the health center because of my recent slutty tendencies.
If I make it home without being sick in this captain's hat it will be a fucking miracle.
My roommates don't agree with the whole tv in the bathroom idea. Fucking barbarians.
Before getting out of the car, she said "Thanks for getting me off." I like how polite she is.
Omg. I definitely just got hit on by my doctor AFTER he completed my pap smear which clearly showed I was in the middle of an outbreak. What. The. Fuck.
When I planned out my evening, "co-author lesbian vampire erotica" was not anywhere on my list of expected activities.
Me neither, but hey, this is where we've ended up. Let's embrace the moment.
Randomize
