its like an ocean threw up right in your lap
everyone knows that carl winslow was the sexiest man in die hard.
Nailed a drunk college girl before the CU game Saturday, and a drunk married woman after the Broncos game Sunday.
Some perfection is debatable.
Just because i have a masturbation problem doesnt mean you can put 20 photos of Jesus in my room.
it was great that she threw up because that made me the only one trying to hook up with her
The prescription for my birth control just blew away in the wind on my way back from the health center. It's like god wants me to get pregnant
i just remember pinky promising you guys to take care of him.
I took 36 pictures of my lava lamp. your weed wins.
We were simultaneously boning chicks 3 feet away from each other. Do you realize how much that upped our 15 year friendship?
Seriously babe, why do I keep waking up with bruises on my nipples? WHAT ARE YOU DOING TO ME IN MY SLEEP?
Actually, scratch that, I'm not sure I want to know.
I'm wearing the monkey suit out tonight. I hope you're ok with it leaving the bedroom
fucked a girl in the dry storage closet at work. knocked over a whole rack of tomato paste and pinto beans. and also i really hope my manager doesn't review this footage from the security camera
He was nothing but deer-caught-in-headlight eyes and dick, it was adorable
Three Decembers later, I'm looking at this fuckin Santa lingerie I bought and just realized my stocking never got stuffed....
I crawled to the bathroom this morning there were cornpops scattered on the floor? What was I doing last night?
Randomize
