she came over and started getting naked and said its not like i came over to just hang out
youve hit the jackpot
I opened my browser to a doctor page titled "serious pain under left side of ribcage". Last night must have been healthy.
So....maintenance found the bullethole.....
Well regardless of where or with who you will be blacking out and i will be pouring shots down ur throat like a baby bird
Oh my god. I'm sorry if i peed on you last nite. I am truly disgusting
But fine, we can play that game. You can come over and we can have totally platonic, long, boring discussions. Or we can fuck. Whatever.
obviously my window is still shattered. they're pressure washing my condo today. i think i need a bloody mary.
I think the worst was the guy who sent me YouTube videos about how age doesn't matter, and then a link for natural breast enhancements. Kill me.
What if there is no right person? Maybe it's just the right cat. Or the right 12 cats.
He had really great hair, but he told me he's been in a psych ward three times. I mean I know I'm a psych major, but that's too much.
I mean, I've had her boob in my mouth, but is that romance?
you ass-dialed me while you were fucking my ex.
that was on purpose.
Public service announcement: Just bc it is Margarita Monday does NOT mean your stomach will readily accept that much alcohol. There IS a reason it isn't called Magical Monday. On that note, better luck on Tequila Tuesday.
I know! It's like he knows when my vagina wants to misbehave!
Where are all your bongs? Your Dad wants to make sure they're put away before his family gets here.
Umm....in my room, on my closet, under the bed and behind my laptop.
Randomize
