Thats something to write home to mom about
Dear Mom, I had sex last nt w a girl that liked to b choked. Im n love. Cant wait for you to meet her
I just creeped all your pictures on Facebook -- it was like I watched you grow up right before my eyes.
He just said "wow, thats some rly nice hair! And those teeth..thosee are some cool teeth"
Well, there goes the no drunk sex injuries resolution.
Please call me back as soon as your phone is charged, if you die tonight I don't want the last thing I said to you to be "I just farted a little"
Guy, there will be accountabilities this weekend that you will need to respond to, or else.
my dad just paid them in porn...i no longer feel guilty for getting hammered and not helping
Just saw a dude walk out of the parking. Garage in a diaper and tutu. He had a handle in one hand and a toy bow in the other
LOL its 11 am
Apparently he walked into the room and started yelling at some huge hairy dude to get out of my room. Except it wasn't my room... Because he was on the fourth floor.
Because 9 pm Thursday you drink a loco cause you just wanna get drunk and have a good time with your friends. Then you wake up on Tuesday and you've had 17 locos and you're pregnant, lying on the side of the road, 3 states over. THAT'S why we don't have only locos parties.
The moment you tore my shirt off I knew I wanted to spend the rest of my life with you
I thought my sex drive was gone but let me tell you it is back with a vengeance
It's scary that my vibrator is a dangerous weapon. I want a new one.
Just saw a commercial for non alcoholic baileys cream. WHAT THE HELL IS THE POINT?!
I feel like I have the I just lost my virginity face and everyone at the grocery store knows it.
Randomize
