I'm so over stopping myself from talking about my sexual experiences in front of children.
...I woke up with a yo yo in my underwear...
I left a cheeto on everyone's car trailing to the house i'm at, hanzel and gretel style.
Someone just asked if you were the one who rode around the bar on some girls back
Well, let me tell you, it was the most vivid sex dream I've ever had. More so than the Paris Hilton one I had in 05. And about as weird.
just had to make the 420 edibles gluten free and kosher for passover.
I'm scared to see what happens if we keep winning like this. I don't think there enough livers for every one after the season is over.
I think I just got judged by the pizza guy. dude, you deliver fucking pizza. you need rethink YOUR life.
Yeah, but she is forever sending my vagina on some sort of mission.
WHY THE FUCK IS MY BATH TUB FILLED WITH MUD?!
1. You were drunk 2. You wanted a mud bath\n3. We tried to talk you out of it, but you kept throwing dirt at us
And I must've sleep walked to the fridge cause when I woke up, there I was, balls deep in a fudge pop.
A 5 day bender that ended with refusing to pay my bar tab before I left the city. I offered to send them a selfie so they knew to never let me back in.
Knows all the good gay bars AND has a dog? Wtf can't I drop pizza on guys like that????
Do it break your family into faction start a civil war
I think my roomie is silently judging me for spraining my foot by having sex in a bounce house
so the bounce house and tequila was good idea then?
Randomize
