I'm like a rollypolly, I only open my legs up when I feel safe.
stayed up until 6am doing my presentation on buddhist art and the practice of chanting. took shots. did drugs. the powerpoint now includes a sesame street style game (with chicken/puppy clip art), an xzibit music video (and quotes about section eight and eating steaks), and a reference to a german metal band (universe). this is going to be the best presentation ever
Were not really friends so much as I suck his dick a lot
And my fence, why is part of it on the roof?
one of the service guys here said i licked ranch off your face lastnight
seriously. next time...underwear. I'm not spending any other holiday season wondering if it'll be my last babyless one.
Btw...I puked in my hand last night and threw it on the floor. Don't let me do tequila ever again.
Makers Mark. Chicken nuggets in a blender. Smart
Do you think blood ever gets sick of carrying all these drugs around?
Like, there are so many different things we make it do, and it just wants to settle down and be a one-drug fluid?
Stop reading WebMD high.
although steph and I had 3 bottles of wine by that point and watched an opera that featured a black dildo so anything was possible really
We might as well just set our livers out to sea on burning ships
“before I show up tits a blazing, what’s the sexual temperature here?“
With a word you would own me. At your command I would walk to your house completely naked.
I just found a live peacock hanging out behind the bar. I coerced it into my car and now I have a peacock bro that lives with me.
I woke up wearing mittens dude
I woke up in my bathtub with the potted plant from downstairs.
checkmate.
Randomize
