i just peed out my two story window using my cell phone as a flashlight . hope the neighbors didnt see
I didn't have a rubber, but my dick had a date with a clorox wipe after we finished. I think I'm in the clear.
it was like eating out sand paper
just told my prof that "i dont give a fuck" about the final. nothing like a having a signed employment contract already
Once you realized you couldn't finish the 30 you started walking down the street and leaving a beer in everyone's mailbox
He did a line, told me my hair looked pretty against the background of the clouds, and then we fucked. Good afternoon
It's like even though I'm not in college anymore my body still knows it's September and is putting itself into competitive binge drinking mode.
Btw...I puked in my hand last night and threw it on the floor. Don't let me do tequila ever again.
She is currently expressing her joy for "bad to the bone" through interpretive dance...
I ripped my favorite jeans crossing that fence
That sucks
It's an upgrade! I didn;t even have to unzip my pants to pee!
I feel worse lying to the guy I hooked up with than I actually do for cheating on my bf
Just fantasized about my boss's fingers in a meeting. I desperately need to get some.
one of my coworkers asked me if I was PMSing today...... excuse me sir, but it is none of your business as to what my uterus is or is not doing right now. fucker.
and yea, I'm PMSing.
i saved a drunk oompa loompa he was passed out on the lawn and i picked him up figured out where he lived and put him in his bed and wrote his roommate a note
would you eat cereal with weed in it
who is this???
Randomize
