So, we're in the car ready to fuck and she asks about my ex. I wave at my lap and say, "bye". She asks what I'm doing. I say, "waving goodbye to my erection"
I couldn't tell if he was hitting on me or if he was just mentally challenged.
grad school is all the worst parts of undergrad, without the binge drinking and bad decisions to make up for it
I'm slowing backing away from her. I tried breaking up with her and it felt like I was clubbing baby seals.
Two penises later: I might be straighter than I think.
I am particularly sorry about getting dome in your backseat. And for thinking you wouldn't notice.
1.) You left the rest of your whiskey here 2.) I drank your whiskey 3.) then made a steam roller out of the bottle 4.) Everything tastes like whiskey
He cut part of his finger off. It was a consolation blow job.
He's talking about how great of a find these dollar store condoms were. Help.
I don't care how hungry or impatient you are. the highest setting on the microwave is 100% and you better not take it appart to add power. This is not the Enterprise.
Being sober is boring. Tomorrow I'm def bringing wine and my vibrator to work. Might even booty call that hot guy on floor 5. Making the last week at this job legendary.
He called me baby cakes during sex... Can U not
Getting dome in the backseat of a friends car with Ariana Grande playing in the background was probably the most romantic part of my night
I deleted all traces of him from my phone
even the dick picks he sent you?
no are you nuts? saved that shit to my camera roll
I need to go home for the safety of everyone in a 10 mile radius, especially me
Randomize
