don't tell me I don't love her. i once slept with my girlfriends therapist, just to find out if she was cheating on me.
I walked downstairs and he was standing in nothing but his boxers with his dick hanging out warming up eggs in the microwave.
In case you were wondering, my scare crow is wearing your outfit from last night.
He threw me a bud light and when I opened it he smacked it out of my hand because "Dave giveth, and Dave taketh away". WTF
I think Vodka is my favorite. Everything else ties for second.
When exactly does a bender just become a lifestyle?
Is it socially acceptable to be blind drunk at half five on a Monday afternoon?
Which pub are you in?
I was drunk while I accepted my job offer. Here's to growing up.
Well I accidentally flashed a 76 year old woman, i'm in a house full of republicans and Im almost drunk enough to give the gay rights speech so i'd say this wedding reception is going great
I woke up to pizza pinned to my wall. So that's that.
I just want to eat my penis shaped food in front of you and see how you feel about it.
I don't know, we got really drunk and I slapped her with an ear of corn.
this dude is way too smart. he just explained to me the different scientific components of drugs while we smoked. i said i loved icecream.
So on a scale of 1-10 how mad would you be if I sent you a picture from the inside of a strip club
i let a mormon finger me. i don't ever want to be that drunk again.
Randomize
