I'd fuck her but she fucked Dusty. And I'm pretty sure he's humped livestock
I know it's getting bad when I wash the bong more often then the dishes
At dinner I grabbed his hand and he screamed "mom she just grabbed my penis" the proceeded to shove my hand down his pants! Hello Mr.Dick!
you haven't felt a hangover until you wake up after a night of snorting tequila.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You were Q-tipping mashed potatoes out of your ear.
The calves of my jeans are covered in jello shots from Sunday, how desperate do I have to be before I start licking them?
He lectured me about the dangers of drugs while wearing a sombrero and doing interpretive dance.
Her fucking playlist had randy newman on it. It was like woody was watching the whole time.
if i ever get hit by a car or something and become paralyzed promise me youll still be here to hand feed me shots and light my bowls please
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
the breathalyzer kept saying danger. we made our new slogan danger we need more shots
Oh. I'm probably going to just get a viagra and ruin your life.
Whip out the absinthe and the taquitos, this motherfucker just passed the bar.
I tried to avoid catching feelings but then he took me out to breakfast
I once broke a mans heart just to get laid by a premature ejaculator
I love when Facebook suggests people I may know. Well, yeah, I know him. He's my drug dealer. Pretty sure I want to keep that relationship strictly professional.
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