I woke up at 4am on the couch with half my clothes on. And by half my clothes I mean my earrings.
yea i guess its safe to say fire extinguishers are not synonymous with whip cream cans
who were those guys at the table sniffing dryer sheets?
when you wake up in a apartment hallway wearing someone else's shoes, you can pretty much assume last night was a success.
We had a pillow fight. It looks like an angel exploded here. A DRUNK ALCOHOLIC ANGEL
Not drinking has really freed up a lot of my time. I made a bracelet yesterday. I miss bars.
I always ask when they're due. It's the nicest way for me to let her know the rest of the world can tell she's putting on weight too
The girls danced. I drank. Then I danced cause I was drunk. Then I ripped tim's shirt off cause I'm awesome.
I would really just like to get laid somewhere that's not on a bathroom floor at this point in my life
Now in just stoned listening to my dads philosophical idea about public transit
I just offered a cat a "drinky drinky" I'd say my night has started
I want to eat a stick of butter
Did your pain meds kick in?
It tastes nice
Did my dad just see you doing a walk of shame?
Yup I waved.
I have no regard for my liver, you should know this.
Alan said you can come over and eat me out anytime you want, as long as we give him enough notice to hide in the closet before we arrive
Randomize
