i just had a dream that i could control how black Will Smith was with a remote.i need to stop sleeping with the TV on
You can now add 30,000 feet to the places where I have puked
I just made a moltov cocktail out of lubricant and a christmas bulb. The fire is still going strong. MERRY CHRISTMAS
You couldn't hold yourhead up but you managed to unzip my zipper. That's skill..
Plus, I've always wanted to drive in rush hour with a huge cock drawn on my hood
I never thought I would be having sex behind a shower curtain that wasn't in a bathroom.
We all have to be good at something. Mine are writing, drinking, fucking and peer pressure.
Sorry you had to clean the sheets with your macro notes
I gave him morning sex, a bag of cookies, and dropped him off at work. I believe I deserve the "best hookup award."
I just have to decide what I love more, food or dick.
You tell anyone I'm rocking out to Pitbull in an economy, base-model car, I'll kill you.
I'm never celebrating Galentine's Day again. It was a whorrific mess.
He nailed that bed down really well so it won't break again. All I could think while he was nailing it was "challenge accepted".
So... Sorry we took your wife to the strip club last night... And sorry we bought her that lap dance... I think you're getting closer to your dream of a threesome, though.
Funniest thing happened to Chloe! She talked the bf into a mmf threesome, and he loudly and enthusiastically discovered he was gay during it. Whole dorm literally heard it happen.Well funny for me. Chloe not so much.
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