Haven't eaten in 11 hrs. I am gonna have so much material to talk about with anorexic girls now
Seriously, I'm delusional. Idk how these models even walk on the runway
you told everyone your name was brenda and you had the whole party chanting b-dawgg by the end of the night. successful.
morning after pill = breakfast in bed
It's just a condom. Most people would commend me for saying I was going to start using them, and you're acting like I'm going to try heroin.
From the trajectory of the puke, I must have fallen off the top bunk while trying to vomit, due to the dented bucket, ruined carpet, and bruised dignity I now own.
No, but I woke up here and my pockets are full of raisins. Like 6 different pockets.
Christ, I really took the slutcake last night.
Wait. Someome brought slutcake?
My new best friend is the drag queen who works at mcdonalds and doesnt judge me during my walk of shame coffee break
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
I found a pair a guys underwear in my purse that has a British flag on it and says and I quote "British beef" what.the.fuck.
Why can't I hire someone to teach me how to be a decent human being?
She had sex in a public bathroom and slept on a couch in the dorm lobby. It's only Monday
The first crop top of the year and you're rocking it in the ER. #ratchet
What is my life?
I'm 10 cats away from completing my post divorce transformation.
So TMI but just realizing I have not masturbated since trump took office. He's sucked the sex drive out of me.
Randomize
