i can smell the iron from margo's period blood from across the table.
Ps what kind of horrible ppl are we that we both checked blackberries during sex and neither minded?
it always starts out as a suggestion then three hours later I have cum in my eye.
I would have been "that girl" at the party last night if it wasn't for that girl who puked in the potted plant...
For a whole 2 minutes you were convinced you were talking to my voicemail
just found a someones bra in what seems to be a mix of pickle juice and vodka in my fridge. Who was over here lately?
When i'm home next we need to get baked and go to waffle house. I want to see if the waitress can still guess my intoxication level and what i'm about to order before i even make it to the table.
Jelly. This is your "are you still alive" text. Any response will do.
Hey I found a cat!
He's on the bus now and took off his Amish hat so just his long ginger beard is present. Goodbye, majestic Amish ginger. Go forth and represent your minority well.
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
I should probably drink beer instead of rum today so I don't end up naked in my living room while I still have guest.
I was going to text you that earlier, but I felt like before 10 was probably to early to bring up boners
Sorry. We had to leave because I knocked a guy out for saying "yolo".
its 11:20. i'm drunk in class flying paper airplanes for my final. what the fuck is my college experience right now?
Look. All I'm saying is that if the USWNT can win a shit ton of medals and have two gay love stories with happy endings, there's still hope in this world
Randomize
