You dont ever try to use your dick as a power washer to get bits of poop of the toilet bowl?
woke up naked, gf gone. There is a cup of change in the fridge, a bird in the bathroom, and odie is drawn on my ceiling. I live in a non sequitur
Just found the bucket list I wrote when I was high...somehow I dont think "jello swimming pool" is gonna happen.
I came so hard that my back seriously popped like 5 times.
he literaly had a hockey helmet on and was swan diving off the couch onto the coffee table.
Well the walls are thin and I can hear the couple next door having sex. I think their dog is somehow involved.
It's like refusing a bong hit from michael phelps... You just can't do it
At some point during thanksgiving the image of me pooping on ur moms chest will come to you. Your welcome!
Immediately after I scarfed down an Applebee's appetizer trio for lunch, my boss sent me on an hour long road trip to pick up some parts. Great. I can't wait to shit my pants on US-31 South.
I just realized I haven't had a date or a potential possibility of a date in about a year. Then I realized I wanted to actually go on a date. But I'm sitting here getting high instead of being at a party. Life.
MEG JUST LICKED A DRAIN PIPE. DAVE PUNCHED MATT IN THE THROAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN. I REPEAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN.
Just so you know sleeping with you is like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
That's the most romantic thing I've ever heard
I'm going to target high, just in case I ask you where my paycheck went later
I got so pissed i stormed off and threw his burrito on his windshield
Do you know why I slept in the yard last night?
You said you watched the lion king stoned and had to do it for simba.
Pride rock will get you every time.
Randomize
