I wish life was like dora the explorer where dancing pigs appear out of nowhere to solve your problems for you
my ass hurt today after the party last night. I wnt to the doctors and they found a coin in a ziplock bag with a note from you. WHAT THE FUCK DID U DO TO ME???
Sometimes I kiss girls just to make them shut up.
there's something so ridiculous to me about watching someone with glasses exercising. it's like watching a whore studying in the library. stop trying to be someone you're not.
he thinks im joking when i say don't visit. i mean it's summer...he was the college fuck and now it's time for the summer fuck
I hate nights where "I found my underwear" can be considered a victory.
She threw all the patio furniture in the pool saying she was building a castle.
I'm just saying, asking "Are you happy with me?" during a handjob is simply unfair and scientifically inadmissiable.
I definitely hasselhoffed a taco bell burrito on my kitchen floor in front of my dad and little brother.
he screamed PILLOW FIGHT and hit branden in the head with a pillow that had a fifth of vodka in it. then he asked why he wasnt laughing
You are softly singing to the wall while slow dancing with it. I feel as though you should discontinue this behavior.
Got home to the hotel 3hrs ago per texts sent not in english to not a full phone number
I just ordered 30 klonopins from India that could probably be anything from Viagra to Midol. You need to find another friend to get advice from right now
I am too high to deal with coming home to 11 naked people in my living room
Like Napoleon Dynamite?
Exactly like Napoleon Dynamite
But with bacon.
Randomize
