Can't imagine what could be worse than pet-naming your penis, but I'll let it go.
There are not one, but two women wearing my boxers on the couch right now. You need to wake the fuck up.
she has a picture of her daughter riding a giant rooster.. of course i want to make obscene cock jokes
i dont care if it was her birthday. if she leaves me with a half rack of budweiser and her boyfriend obviously shits gonna go down.
I cagt a turtle and named him squirt. He's in my bathtub Caleb is feeding me peaches! This is the most beautiful vodka Thursday ever!
my spring break was before theirs and i literally fed him vodka all week, only stopping for class and bowls. like handles. i cant even think anymore, that chastity belt was hard to get off,
well he somehow got his hand stuck in some bike spokes trying to reach for a blunt he dropped and that's NOT the reason he's in the hospital...?
see that vagina ? that vagina means business
I'm trying to be celibate. I'm having me time. I'm eating cake.
Is it appropriate to send an apology gift to his roommates for breaking the bathroom sink during crazy sex?
This is like 50 shades on steroids but with healthy relationship models and mutual respect among all parties involved and lesbian activity.
We had a company shotgunning beers contest in the parking lot today, and I won. God bless America!
He updated Facebook... "Got a new phone today." WHAT ABOUT THE FUCKING KID YOU HAD?!
Was it a bad idea to have spent all of my tax return on coke?
Then you got drunk and shit in her car. Nothing before that matters. She isn’t calling you back.
Randomize
