i may or may not have just grinded on your dog thinking it was my boyfriend
easter eggs filled with ecstasy. it's what jesus would do.
I took the chef home. His dick even tasted like garlic
He told me he's not in to anal. I need to marry him, ASAP.
She passed out on the kitchen table with two mickeys forties duct taped to her hands. Clearly she is going to fit perfectly in your house this semester
I got blood in my smoothie but it still tastes ok. Fuck glenfiddich.
It's 3 in the morning and there is a bird chirping it's head off outside. GOD DAMNIT THIS IS NOT A TIME TO SING OF YOUR CHEERFUL BIRD MERRIMENT YOU STUPID BIRD CUNT!
I approve. Last time I was there, I left E's room to get a drink of water. Found M sitting on the kitchen counter in his boxers hammered and eating a banana. He proceeded to feed me the rest of his banana then went to bed with the lights on. You two will be great.
I feel like I've asked you "are you okay?" one too many times in the last 48 hours. You're hopeless.
The girl I was Skype sexing just asked for a moment of silence for robin Williams.
Unless he's under 18, in which case you put him back where you found him this instant.
You tried to stop drinking but then she started feeding you tequila with a spoon. You were like an adorable baby bird.
Election Day 2016 shall forever live in infamy as the day when I hobbled through my neighborhood, mascara melting down my face, wearing one slipper and a cast, blood and cum all over my skirt, carrying a box of wine, and no one even noticed.
He's really cute...He stopped talking to me because i pulled my skirt up and peed in a demi plie position...
How'd things go with that guy last night?
He threw up in the consol in my car then started crying about his ex girlfriend.
Randomize
