Theres a note on my antibiotics that says "Do not chew or crush. Swallow whole." I think that would be a good tattoo for just above my penis.
You should just wear a sign that says "I like cheap Chinese food and anal"
I like taco bell too
he knocked a glass of water onto my bed and then said that he should get to sleep on the dry side because he was "a guest"
Either I'm tripping balls or my dog has super powers.
It's a drunk scavenger hunt.
Everything on the list counts for double points if done naked.
YOU ARE TAKING ADVANTAGE OF MY INEBRIATED STATE
YOU ARE DRUNK AND USED AND SPELLED THE WORD "INEBRIATED" CORRECTLY. I AM TAKING ADVANTAGE OF NOTHING.
I CAN'T HELP THAT I'M MULTITALENTED YA FUCKER
Am I a bad person for getting my ex to DD me and a random hookup home last night?
Found my id. It was in the cats litter box. Seriously what was last night.
Not my type, but the penis looks fun.
My mute roommate is using sign language to ask a guy to fuck her.
Just got a motivational speech from the tacobell drive thru guy at 2am
I'm trying to arrange "Flawless" to come on as soon as I get up to leave the room after my thesis defense. Bow down bitches indeed.
This is even better than the wine from my laundry basket
I've had sex with three people who have this birthday.
Lady at the airport across from me just pulled a cat out of her bag. can't deal with this right now..
Randomize
