Dude my mom stole all your condoms
drinking colt 45 because lando calrissian told me to
I walked in on my roommate finishing watching something on his computer. There was cum all over his screen. He awkwardly said hi and pulled up his pants.
i just ordered an al pacino with double mocha at starbucks.. i'm waiting to see how long it takes the chick to realize what i said.
I'm dreading the fact that when the dominoes guy comes, he will ask me if i placed an order under the name "high as shit".
On my arm I have 12 dashes, and below is written "plus 2 pretty stout whiskey drinks, so, you be the judge"
I'm having post traumatic stress flashbacks of last night. That big. Don't know whether to call him again or change my name...
I just told you I can't. My fingers are melting. I have discovered the high.
Going home with an argentinian named sulvio. Ill let you know how it goes.
My favorite thing about your netflix account "suggestions for you" section: Russias Toughest Prisons is followed immediately by Strange Sex
I had jack at 8 am= instant drunk
You've never felt ridiculous until you've walked through downtown in a Viking costume
You're the best friend ever. I wouldn't want to do the walk of shame with anyone else.
Yeah, I'm pretty glad I chose you to have drunken, sloppy birthday sex with.
That's the nicest thing anyone has ever said to me
You showed up at 4 am holding a beer and wearing a wig you apparently found in the dumpster.
That explains some things...
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