I'm jealous of your bromance
doing lines of blow through a tampon applicator in the study lounge at 7am so i can finish an italian composition that was due a week and a half ago...such a good student.
You pulled the fire alarm because you had to shit and there was someone in the bathroom. you said you needed privacy
There's a good chance a guy sucked off my right earring last night
he said good things come in small packages and I decided to hook up with someone else
Let's get really high and wear fake mustaches and try not to laugh at each other...
I'm just a little drunk right now and I have to work at 3
Omg sara
I ran out of milk and it's hot and I was thirsty
He let me keep my Michael Jordan Bulls jersey on during sex.
It makes showers more interesting trying to drink a gin and tonic and keep soap out of my eyes at the same time.
You need to calm down.
When do you sleep by the way. I was surprised when I went to work at 1 am,left at 7 am and had a text from you somewhere in between
I just vodka nap now...
THIS IS A TERRIBLE REWARD FOR NOT GETTING PREGNANT.
You got stoned and bought $300 worth of pudding. Again! Why do YOU think she left you?
It's a sad day when a deadly hurricane headed your way is less depressing than your relationship status.
outside on the street drinkin, walked into a random house and asked to pee, some kid hands me a beer and says i have to chug it first
If the amount of time the owner spent looking at my tits is any indication, I’d say I can probably sleep my way to the top
Randomize
