Masturbating after my cheeseburger. It's unavoidable.
a lady just got escorted out of the bar because she came in carrying a can of gasoline while smoking a cigarette....this place is the definition of class
So I put about 15 worms in the cuervo bottle. I don't think that's how it works but I feel like hallucinating by 11am
Sometimes when I see a shoe on the side of the road, I get a little depressed that I've never partied that hard.
I love you like a cupcake loves an overweight child, very similar to the mannerisms of a whole cake but personal, and minus the commitment issues, plus just the right amount of icing; not to mention the convenience of mobility, and only a smidgen of the guilt😘
He said and I quote "Had to beat one off in the Burger King bathroom before I went over." Thats somebody that takes pride in his work.
Okay. I am working on pulling a tooth out of my mouth. Call me.
this year we will have multiple halloween identities. lesbian couple meets brian and stewie
Dude, I brought the fucking tequila to that party and they cheered for the chick that seriously only brought limes.
Why am I sticky / covered in baby Tylonel?
Agree to hang out with him and then take a gigantic shit right on him. Or if youve forgiven him for being a fucker maybe make out with him.
well my apartment and my life are still a disaster but I did clean off my desk so that's gotta count for something...
But I don't see you as the jesus riding a dinosaur with a machine gun type of guy
my goal is to never have a bac of 0.0 the whole time while in the state of florida, which means i have to chug a beer before i cross the state line
Bold words for someone NOT on a unicycle
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