I thidmdmk you'gre a special person
I told her we could go facebook official. If she ups the oral.
I could swear I did coke with Jesus last night
It's only 10 in the morning...josh is already on the way to the ER for trying to shotgun a beer with a sparklers sticking out of it on fire.
It doesn't matter how many times you look in your purse, Your keys are not going to be there. Maybe you left them at the bar.
Maybe they fell out of my pocket last night when I rolled down the hill.
He looks like he'd be great Lego character.
WE'RE FINALLY ADMITTING THAT WE DESPERATELY WANT TO SCREW EACH OTHER. THIS IS WHAT PROGRESS FEELS
My mom has finally acknowledged my soft spot for Russians. Finally.
I hope it's the birth control, otherwise I'm dying
We were suposed to have a 3some in their bathroom but it just turned into us 2 making out while he watched like a little kid on christmas morning
I put xanax in the cake batter
Did you really? It all makes sense now.
you texted him "it's time for the no pants dance", please get your tubes tied.
Are there edibles for sale in the Denver airport because if so bring those to my mouth
You kidnapped her dog. I don't care that you and the dog are epic bros, that's just not cool. Return him.
Hey does the gas gauge in your car work?
Nevermind...we figured it out. Heres a more relevant question, does your insurance have roadside assistance?
Randomize
