I just needed to know whether or not to wear panties to work tomorrow.
I have a fruit stripe tattoo on my penis. You're the only person I know who chews that gum.
so how much must it suck for him to know that the penis of his best man has been in his wife's mouth before?
thanks 4 putting "im not your boyfriend baby" on my sex playlist. she just got pissed and left.
Just saw a british exchange student take a flyer for free dental care. Yes.
The bartender just asked me if I owned stock in Jameson. I've been here for less than an hour and he's already judging me.
Showing up at the grocery store at 5am to have the clerk sprint to the condom cabinet waiving the keys because you told him to hurry it was an emergency
i'm only riding in the trunk because they put the case of beer back here..
My mom slipped a condom in my pocket along with a sticky note that said "be safe sweetie."
The US State Dept doesn't need to know I'm a high strung drunken whore.
These are your "grown up" slampiece's new hours of operation; please plan accordingly
You yelled "I gave my neighbor some of my bitch sauce" and then passed out. You now have drinking limits with us.
I vote we get high and sneak off to McDonald's to get mcflurries.
YES. ALL MY YES.
Ps. I'm slapping the bag. It's an emergency.
I'm so sorry to hear about your grandmother. Also how many grams are in an eighth?
Randomize
