Call me immediately, my only recent boy news involves me biting a dick.
You have problems? I'm 20 years old and i'm balding
Her brother was practicing the clarinet....it was like having sex in a starbucks
she just gave me a present from you... on a stripper pole. in front of the whole club. :)
WHY ISNT THIS A PICTURE MESSAGE
You layed on my kitchen floor with a pile of m&ms at your crotch, said "your lightbulb don't match, is that one new?"
I think he's on the stoner protein diet. I just saw him, at 3 am, spreading mayo on a slice of deli ham and sprinkling salt on top.
according to the random from alabama i slept with last night i kept saying "poor lil tink tink" over and over in my sleep
i feel like im paying for every hangover i didnt experience last year as a freshman. thank you sophomore year.
You should have seen her, she looked like a skinny Jabba The Hutt
That literally makes no sense
Exactly
I think he's holding my wallet hostage because I puked in his car. It's not my fault he has child locks on his windows..
It's true. There would need to be A LOT of data collection. Aka, dick-catching. I volunteer as tribute.
I DONT WANT YOUR DICK. I WANT BRUNCH.
I need a pedicure
You need to go to planned parenthood
Let's say we can see the evolution of our "relation" by his name in my phone. Pizza slice emoticone. Pizza guy. Jordan. Jo. Jackhammer Pizza Guy. Jockhammer pizza guy.
Im drinking a CAN of bud light at the bar. Do you really think I care anymore?
Randomize
