I hate when you've made an ugly girl's day by having sex with her, and then she gets greedy and wants to cuddle after you cum.
I just gave some chick my debit card to put in the jukebox. She better put out.
Well technically because of daylight savings, I only lasted 15 mintues.
I have bruises covered in glitter and someone just asked me if I realized I'm bleeding from both ears. This is awkward.
Dude she looks like a female richard gere plus 400 pounds.
Ugh I just wanna make an announcement like: Attention high school classmates: if we haven't spoken in 5 years, we don't need to start now. Please be on your way
He tried eating fireworks, to stop him being hungover in the morning. Where do you keep finding these people?!
Where are you? I hear fireworks and you've gone missing. I'm sure that is not coincidence.
Chill out, I'm getting ready as fast as I can. I didn't even masturbate in the shower.
I'm semi drunk. I just bought you penis moisturizer. Not kidding. Keep an eye out for the package. Merry Christmas.
Never thought going to McDonald's alone at 3 AM would end with a blowjob outside some random girl's apartment...
dont know if she was trying to start a lawnmower or jerk me off. still wasnt to bad though
He doesn't have much of a personality but he makes up for it with his sexual prowess
keeper.
Here when you come to your senses come back here and I'll fuck you back out of them.
I realized my soar muscles form the shape of me leaning over a toilet
Randomize
