the night i cant remember will be the night i always remember thanks to my "i
I like how the only thing you spelled correctly is "i'm tequila"
That chick needs a catscan. And fuck it, we're still ordering in a stripper
Which is worse rug burn on your nipples or laying there after wondering how long you have to cuddle before you can sneak away?
And then he told me he was too tired for me to suck his dick. Physically and mentally too tired for me to suck his dick. What the fuck?
Because it was 5am and I had a shitty mixed drink and I was threatening to put my balls in your face.
Not the worst first impression I've experienced.
How much more is Amanda Bynes going to rip out our hearts?!?!?
All the party invite said was a date and "21 to drink, 18ish to sleep over"
you told the police officer you wanted to be just like her one day but not a lesbian
Saw the same Luigi I hooked up with last Halloween. Still in his same Luigi costume and scruff that hurt my face
returning from a 6am booty call in 2 feet of snow on a Tuesday is a bold new kind of low for me
I just came rly close to telling a dude that I want to chew on him and there should be an oil painting of his ass up in the louvre before I realized that isn't how flirting is supposed to go
I can't believe I'm coordinating a threesome at work. My productivity is at an all time low.
Well, I hope you're having fun. I'm just gonna lay here and wait for death - shouldn't be long now.
I feel like I have the I just lost my virginity face and everyone at the grocery store knows it.
Randomize
