He lasted like 30 seconds. With a condom. I just expected more from the president of a frat.
I need a secretary to manage my drinking schedule.
If your dick isn't up when i get home you're catching tonight.
He got mauled by a 200lb cement boulder and all he could say in the back of the ambulance is 'I'm so getting laid for this'
who paints a picture of their own dick and sends it to people. i dont know if its borderline crazy or just fucking genius...
GOING OUT OF BUSINESS: we're having a foreclosure party tonight...We'll also be raffling off a washer/dryer, microwave and a white tiger head.
The mass text at 3:12AM offering "free scrotum tastings" will have repercussions
Well it went from being a hug to a straight out tackle through the back door.
this probably sounds so sketchy, but hes going to jail in a month so he needs a place to crash for now. Hes sick though, and hes paying half our rent
There's a cop, a pizza guy and a half naked girl outside along with a dog that I don't know. It feels like I walked into a Judd Apatow movie.
I think I'm going to contact pbr and see if they'll sponsor our dreams
Because talking after sexting is equivalent to cuddling after sex
Fuck. Totally just had sex instead of studying for econ test in an hour. Gonna get fucked again. HELP ME WITH YOUR EXTENSIVE KNOWLEDGE OF ECON
Ok, there are marshmallows shaped like elephants
IDK if she's gay or not, but there is something about the way she looks at me that says "do dirty dirty things to me." I have no choice but to oblige.
Randomize
