he pointed at my clit and asked with a confused face, 'whats this thingy??"
I just got hit by a car. I'm fine; I'll be to the bars in about 15
Apparently she ran into the Emergency Room declaring "ROOM, PLEASE" as if she were checking herself into Holiday Inn.
using smirnoff bottles as a pillow actually isnt as uncomfortable as you would think
There is literally a guy in my class with a gallon of water and a trophy.
The beer-amid has reached five feet. Caitlyn has a taser. GTG
Just saw a hooker eating a pastrami sandwich walking down beach blvd blowing kisses to traffic. My day = made
There are 27 signatures on my ass. What the hell happened last night?
Every time someone made a cup you congratulated them by letting them sign your ass.
I need a thor helmet and I need to find my heavy duty drinking mug
Apparently nothing brings out sympathy in a barista like asking if they have a hangover special
This really high kid past out in the corner of the room holding a box of cheez its in his arm. My idol.
Wake up. Smoke. Masturbate while eggos cook. Go back to bed. Smoke. Body spray shower. Beer with breakfast. Class. Morning of a champion.
Well I've always wanted to get head while playing WoW...
K I'll do it, but mine is going to be WAY weirder. Your not allergic to shellfish, right?
We woke up today with 24 donuts, a tie, two jugs of vodka that we traded an extra sandwich for, and a british boy
Last night you were throwing up in my toilet singing "all by myself."
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