my professor just told me i smelt like a brewery infront of my whole class b4 my final presentation
Is it bad that everytime I read or hear "Woo Hoo" I immediately think of sex because of The Sims?
my life trainwreck boards at 9:30
drunk pissing on my closed toilet lid is actually quite a sobering experience
shape ups are the best shoes to wear when youre stoned. its like walking on little trampolines every step.
Was this before, or after you took my brand new bag of shredded cheese, and "Made it rain"?
We're lucky we aren't prostitutes by now. Whats the etiquette for returning a pair of heels with blood on them?
you have no idea the dirty thing i want to do to your blad spot. please wear my vagina as a hat.
PRINCE HARRY WAS AT WAL MART SO NEXT TIME YOU BITCH ABOUT GOING TO WAL MART REMEMBER THAT EVEN PRINCE HARRY GOES TO WAL MART.
It's all fun and games until you throw up hot cheetos in your drawer.
It was relaxing until your penis crawled in my ear.
well smoking weed has become a deal breaker for me so I pretty much use "let's go smoke a blunt" as an icebreaker
I wish I had a clear image of the dude who was sucking on my tit outside the bar last night
Nice classy night out before we roll our faces off
i really love you but i feel kinda dumb about it
Randomize
