Half Baked? Au contraire, Ben and Jerry, I was fully baked when I ate that whole pint of ice cream.
I'm getting drunk watching the disney channel. Is this a main reason why we aren't together anymore?
your brother just told me that Guinness is the first book of the Bible...
three guys just busted into my bio lecture, yelled "happy st. patrick's day!", downed jagerbombs, and left.
My roommate is trying to suck beer out of the rug.
Okay. I really need to get out of this guys bed and get home. It's two in the afternoon. He's not even HERE.
he made me feel like a shish kabob. his dick was the skewer.
and you said he wasn't worth calling.
I found him down the block clinging to a light post laughing and crying because a house "looked like it had buck teeth"
I can't believe I ever hated her sister or friends. They got her some sexy sexy ass lingerie for the honeymoon. I think I love them bitches
I would rather you cheat on me then you watch this season of Breaking Bad without me.
I'll pretend I don't know she's blind, my morals claimed the back seat in this adventure.
"hahahaha" is not a sufficient reply when I tell you my mother laughed at a joke about me giving blowjobs.
i need to get drunk because i'm an angry sober
There's a pregnant girl taking shots of apple juice
Sorry I missed your birthday party. I caught a dick and rode it to O-Town
Randomize
