he just asked if i would like him to change his diet so his jizz tastes better. keeper? i think so.
you better not pull some "waking up at 2 in the afternoon" shit, we have weed to smoke.
I just want dates and sex but the option to have that with whoever whenever I want
they told me if I wanted to live here I had to get an ass tattoo and then they all mooned me simultaneously. ass tattoos as far as the eye could see.
So much easier to puke and rally now that my gluten's under control
we are the apple cider girls!
fond memories of taking my pregnancy test here in this Burger King
Please tell me that all of the things I remember doing last night didn't really happen. Please.
We peed on campus in the middle of the tailgate and then hit on a married cop that asked you to stop touching him
Never in my life have I seen a grown ass man get on all fours and attempt to buttfuck himself with the leg of a chair. I love Vegas!
I'm declaring this weekend Captain Morgan weekend
You declare every weekend Captain Morgan weekend...
You just don't understand... :'(
This girls ass literally just fell out of her jeans in front on me on the escalator. Going commando on a Monday morning is a bold move.
Rough birthday weekend. Eating McDonalds in the shower and used a fifth of sky as a pillow last night
So I lost my dignity between the strip club and your penis...
Don’t eat the Doritos. Jeff was eating them while he was watching porn
Omg I just looked in my purse from last night.. 10 bags of gummy bears.
Randomize
