my roommates friend slept in my bed when i was out of town..she ran out screaming cause she saw my VCR
I just woke up to a guy kissing me goodbye and leaving for class. I don't know where I am, don't have any clothes on, my underwear are gone, and the shoes I found with my dress aren't mine. He just walked in and gave me my phone. I was on my period. Come get me I will walk to the nearest intersection and wait.
I keep pulling short curlies out of my mouth. Not cool
Just found out my drug dealer is also a porn star. It's a good day.
Oh shut up man. Once the police get involved its every man for themself.
Front seat of an Escalade in a limo-service parking lot. That is all.
I took 36 pictures of my lava lamp. your weed wins.
I thought that wasn't a thing ever since she showed you her vag on the dance floor
We got naked and peed in the garden. Something about bonding with our new house
There are two guys dressed like Spartans from 300 at this bar and they're making out and I needed you to know this
I woke up naked with a $20 bill taped to my titty, so I must of had fun.
I have weed and a speedo - I don't need anything else.
We have had more Sex in the past 48 hours then we have in the past 3 months. I think it was from me dressing up as Darth Vader.
I just put on the jeans I was wearing last night and pulled 4 baby carrots out of my back pocket....
My ovaries melted while we were talking. I almost told him I would suck his soul out through his dick
That would be a memorable parent teacher conference for sure
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