Dude, I'm in her bathroom and there's crab shampoo... is it worth the risk?
You're missing what this discovery implies... she's got a fucking bush.
I wish there were wingman of the year awards.
sooo i think when i get back from rothbury i should probably take a pregnancy test
but you would be showing by now. i'd just save the money and wait for a large crap in 6 months that starts crying. then you'll know.
I just had a girl text me from knoxville "come see me. we'll go for drinks and I can make you breakfast"
how do you like your eggs?
over tits
She's in Spain. I'm in Holland. World Cup Final is Sunday.
Dude, it's like the Romeo and Juliet of FIFA.
should my break up email to my English professor be in MLA format?
I tried to explain to the cop how we all have skeletons in our closets but he just wouldn't listen.
She's an honest to god fucking ballerina. She did things I don't have names for.
I used to be terrified of what was under your bed until I passed out there last night. Now it just feels like home.
When were you at my house?
We shaved off his eyebrows I'm pretty sure his fiance will be thrilled at the wedding
I figure that my generation of my family needs an alcoholic. I'll take that burden.
There should be a rule. If your dick is under 6 inches, you are not allowed to dress as Thor.
when you're a senior and the freshman guy you wake up next to asks who you are, you DO NOT give him your real name.
Signs of a stoner: trying everything in your fridge topped with peanut butter to seek satisfaction.
"You're the only girl I haven't made out with yet" = worst pick up line ever
it went well until I said "me" instead of "my" and he kept sexting me in character as a pirate
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