Hes a 32 yr old divorced sailor that calls me almost every night drunk begging me to call him big daddy. I think i might need to change my number.
i spent 15 mins trying to take money out of ATM with my drivers license saying, "what the fuckkkk" everytime it didnt work
There is no way he is gay with that hair.
I hope you fall in a pool of honey in an immensely populated region of bears.
Sometimes when i'm at a cross roads in life, i think about what i would want my lifetime movie to show what i did
Oh, and for future reference, telling a guy that your ass is too tight for anal is like painting a bullseye on it.
right before he busted, he moaned the british are coming.
only on the fourth of july.
i must of done something right to please the booty call gods. . . maybe fucking that fat chick?
I remember convincing the limo driver to smoke with us and if he did I would name my first son after him.
I'm currently bartering with this guy so I can fuck his bi girlfriend. We're at 5 pizzas and he gets to watch us make-out.
No, she passed out instead. I have the worst luck, its like Jesus is mad at me for having the same birthday as him
I apparently insisted on hugging all the bushes and apologizing for pollution on the way home.
He was the only one not on Xanax so he holds the key to what actually happened last night
so I'm walking to my last final while opening my giant red bull and i look over to my right and the guy beside me had one too and was looking back at me. without missing a beat he pulls out a bottle of jager, pours half in mine, half in his and goes "cheers"....i'm not even mad i probably failed my final
i just realized i have only had sex on couches so far this year. i can't decide if that's impressive or trashy
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