yo im tryna cop a beej tonight
the boobs are fake... i feel like i just found out santa isn't real.
Why do I always give away anal sex as birthday presents?
Shut up... one mans birthday cake is another mans sodomy my friend
I miss seeing your mom and dad at church, well mostly just your mom... She used to hug my face into her boobs.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
the party was called freshmen disorientation. i was just following the theme
i'm duct taped to my bed with a condom in my hand. something went wrong
Its okay I walked into your house, searched for my wallet in your purse, and took a shot of Tequilia all without eye contact, right?
Drunk puking in my bathtub has plugged it up for the third time this year. I hate these calls to my landlord.
He straight up just had me drive all the way here and when I got here he was drinking a cup of tea and right after said he needed to go to bed
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The cop left me alone after I gave her my spare snow cone. It was a hot and humid day and that uniform looked stuffy. Yay stoner me for overindulging in icy treats.
Look at all the pictures I have of us sucking on jello syringes.
if i don't get grease into my system pronto i will undoubtedly die
I should not be allowed to be in possession of a fifth and a phone at the same time.
They wouldn't let me on the bull because I couldn't even sign my own name... She let me try 3 times...
I'm committing myself to dance. Also, I'm unsure if you said space party sounded lame because dude was old, but I hope you're over it because I love space, and I love David Bowie and I love to dance, and you need to embrace this with me.
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