Sometimes I think its so cool that a dick that has been inside kate moss has also been inside me. So exciting.
there is this woman at the counter who looks identical to linda ellerbee. and she's grinning. COME. INSIDE. NOW.
This guy behind me is answering all of her questions. I may give him a lapdance to take my next test for me
Having him as a wingman is like telling the girl you already have aids
its the kind of pain that only someone with a fucking elephant on their head would understand. I'm never drinking again.
I'm pretty sure at any given moment you could wring out my liver and get a couple of shots of jäger.
Just got assigned a beer bong as hw in fluids to demonstrate the inverse of pascals principle. I love this prof
She is the Michael Jordan of blowjobs. Unfortunately, her baby sister is the Michael Jordan of baseball of blowjobs. It does not run in the family.
Also, it was so cold in that bathroom that I saw my crap steaming, a first in my life
I just want to drink bourbon and have sex and then eat like, a Christmas cookie.
I forgot a room to the key..so whenever you wake ip and read this...I'm sleeping inthe hallway..please find me
It will pretty much be equal to the feeling I had when you let me hold your dick while you were peeing, or when I graduated high school!
Just saw the pics from the bachelor party. When the hell did we go to southie. And why was there a chicken in the limo..? You guys really are my best friends.
I wish u could call a dildo. Like you do a missing cell phone.
So many questions...the two most important are, where the fuck is my booze and how did you even get the couch through the door?
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