Where are you???
With some dude on the way to his house to blaze
You went back to a stranger's house????
He isn't a stranger...he used to be on kids, inc.
I love LA.
I think, one-on-one, Paul Rudd could be very threatening in like a REALLY good way.
I went to check the drunk texts i sent last night but my phone deleted them already. Even my phone is ashamed.
remember that response paper i wrote naked, at 745am still drunk with a naked dude in my bed? yeah, totally got an a- on that. and he loved my insight.
Guys, I'm sleeping in the BOYNTON LAUNDRY ROOM. if you can, come let me out in the morning as I have no keys. I might be in the study room possibly. DON'T FORGET. I will be trapped
Ur gonna wake up early as dick tomorrow to do some responsible shit but im the one up at 3 am right now cooking brats soaked in keystone light so fuck your falling asleep ass bitch
I traded the garbage men the rest of my handle for a ride home. Best. Walk. Of. Shame. Ever.
I honestly can't remember your justification for putting peanut butter on your cell phone.
Nothing screams fatass like a pizza that doesn't fit in your car
Nope, had to pee on the side got violated by tall grass. Then someone came around the corner and I had to stop mid pee to dive into the car.. Pants down
i wear a size 32DD bra. its basically impossible for me to get a speeding ticket
He kept singing Happy Birthday to himself, yelling at the bouncers for not letting him in, and telling them his "father will hear of this." He was like a drunken Scottish Draco Malfoy.
I need to sanitize my soul.
your penis is a great and majestic leader among the penises.
We're going to ride the bus of mixed signals all the way to unrequited love town and that's where I'm going to live my life and then die.
Randomize
