K I think ***** turned off her phone. Guess I can't make her feel any more miserable tonight so I'm goin to sleep
I sent you an email today but due to work restrictions, I had to misspell choke sex
I am officially superior to you. I said "Go Go Gadget Dick" before I fucked her. I dare you to beat that.
New drinking game watching teenage mutant ninja turtles movie and drinking every time raphael says damn, someone says april or ms oneil, and shredder appears And every time we see a mustache
You said eat breakfast. So i poured Baileys on top of m&m's. It taste just like like cereal I swear.
its coolsest when we hear the beat in our water bottles. and the likghts are in his eyes now. oh holland
I woke up to find that chris drank one of my contacts.
Yeah he's good at that.
You ever got drunk on $5? Cuz it's about to happen
Her boobs take up a lot of room so God had to skimp on the brains
You're gonna be proud in the future that you fucked the next bill gates
Back at condo with chick. What is the condom situation urgent response needed
I just destroyed that poor boy. Picked him up and put him wherever I wanted, it was like the Pride version of Elf on a Shelf.
in fetal position in his closet not sure if he knows im here... hugging his spongebob cake pan i stole.... now please come find me..
you tried to fight the cop who was busting the party, you said you had a constitutional right to do a keg stand...
People probably think I’m a fangirl bc I go to so many shows but it’s really bc I like fucking the tour manager
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