Tell her to GTFO!!!!! JAI HO!!!!!
I faked an abortion last night.
He came on my face and told me I looked like a gingerbread house.
Also, just saw a homeless man answer a phone call on a blackberry...
I don't know if it was the room or her, but as soon as the pants came off, it smelt like a locker room and old man farts.
I'm sorry I compared your vagina to nascar
On the one year anniversary of me loosing my virginity... thousands of people will be taking their pants of on subways all around the world
It's like a tribute to you being a slut
just puked a little into my hand/sleeve. way too hungover for the first day of class
I wish drunk me came with subtitles
There's times when I just want to bottle my farts for later they're so insane.
HOCKEY BUTTS AND BASEBALL BUTTS HONESTLY DO SOMETHING TO ME
She was wearing American flag underwear. How could I NOT fuck her?
You're a true patriot.
I think drunk me is trying to kill me.
Every morning should start with 2 orgasms and a shoulder massage
half way down the stairs my legs said fuck this and i just fell the rest of the way...
Randomize
