i hate having sex with him only a few drinks in. i like it better when i cant remember the gory details.
After 9 shots a girl with a mustache......still not attractive
i wish you could fill a pinata with booze
Only in college do people pre-game a meteor shower
judging by the cake all over the hall, my neighbors had a pretty successful thursday too.
you came here, splled a bunch of margaritas, hung up a picture of yourself and then left
I think that the winner of this years fantasy football league should get naming rights to you child
Before I left he insisted on serenading me with a ukalele. I might be a little bit in love
Just saw pictures of a pregnant teen from my hometown with an American flag wrapped around her naked body posted on FB without irony. These are my roots.
I may or may not have just hot boxed a backhoe on the construction site of a police station that's being rebuilt..
So right before she was about to give me head she tapped the tip and said "Is this thing on" I think I'm in love.
I'll meet you in hell with unlimited boxes of wine though
I just woke and had to fish my phone out of a bowl of chili. I was wrist deep in it. WHO BROUGHT CHILI TO A PARTY?!
its not chili. and you brought it.
so idk what that means but now because of me he has a police file as breaking into my apartment and sleeping in my hallway under the carpet
It’s official. I’ve hooked up with all three brothers now
You should go after Dad now
I should! He’s definitely middle age fuckable
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