you'll never believe how fucking awesome rain man is when you're stoned.
My RA just gave me tips on how to have discreet shower sex. Were we that loud?
I feel like tequila heightens the sense of my nipples.
I feel like I need to get rid of the black eyeliner, glitter, and tequila breath before I to that world poverty conference..
I don't like finding out that my fuck buddy is a good person.
I couldn't help thinking that my sock monkey was judging me
Don't worry that pussy is fresh, I'd brush my teeth with it.
You just kept shouting "I AM AN ADULT!" until he agreed to carry you home on his shoulders.
looking at my texts from you makes me want to throw up in my pants
all i remember is walking in on u shitting and crying listening to shawty get loose. its safe to say this break up has taken a toll on u
Seriously how many times do I have to sleep with him before he stops calling me dude
I'm sorry that running around town like a frenetic wombat trying to find you KY jelly isn't good enough for you.
He's a drill sergeant! The sadomasochist in me can't resist that.
In honor of the new administration, I'm going to make it my goal this weekend to get some lesbian action. Fuck Donald Trump and fuck Mike Pence. I'm going to be a spiteful gay.
1) Woke up alone with my bathing suit on inside out spooning an empty bottle of Jack, 2) get the fuck on to my level 3) please pick me up and bring a stuffed pony, some Oreo's and my pride...
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