How the hell can the Olympic committee frown so much on weed and yet put on a show you would have to be high to actually enjoy?
Um, yeah. You lit my birthday candles with a joint. Mom= not happy.
I came downstairs to find I had missed the 3some on my kitchen floor but not the pukefest or ER trip after it. This is what happens when the voice of reason is otherwise occupied
I just dumped out my gym water bottle and filled it with white wine. This is the end.
I didn't take her seriously until she snorted that ramen noodle flavor packet...
Im only pretending to be his friend so I can sleep with his girlfriend.
Just walked out of my apartment and came face to face with a shirtless dude playing with his balls and trying to tie his shoes.
I wish pancakes were everywhere. Just pancakes. I want lilies at my wedding. No dress. Just priest. Just lilies.
Please collect your boy friend. He semi-passed out on the couch and trying to grab bums as people walk by. Anyone's bum, he's not choosy.
And then we will celebrate by drinking and making fun of him. As per usual.
Ok sry I left that ambiguous......did you want contact solution or fellatio?
I will be DAMNED if anyone but me breastfeeds my cat.
I just want you to know you're the worst sister ever.
If this is about me and your ex, it's not my fault she doesn't like men.
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
He told us when he was 10 he started shoving bars of soap up his ass for pleasure so i winked at him
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