how can you tell if its a queef or a fart from that close?
We didn't go..parents came home with patron wanting to play drinking games --we asked no questions
I hate to tell you this, but your sister reeks of whore.
I don't even know how sober sex starts anymore
Have you seen my high heels that I wore out?
You mean the one that you threw at the parked cop car or the one in the microwave?
This exeeds the amount of high I planned on being.
I just dropped my cookie in my glass of milk and looked at it for ten minutes. Thanks for telling me you made weed cookies.
I just sent her mug shot out in a mass text because I hate her and her cocaine eyes are hilarious.
I'm laying in the fetal position on the floor of my kitchen eating potato salad with my fingers. Please come over with some real food and keep me company.
Please tell me you have Advil or Tylenol or ibuprofen or a fucking baseball bat
Excuse me, but I got friendzoned and all I could think about was the fact that I didn't have my underwear back on yet.
I want my birthday to be like the hunger games where all the contenders for my vaj have to fight each other off to win the prize
Can I have the second place winner?
He looked me deeply in the eyes and said "I don't want this to be the last time I see you.. Can I follow you on Instagram"
Well. I had to explain to my niece that the word cunt is not an abbreviation for country. I'm the best aunt in the world.
Turns out I tore my ACL when I fell off the mechanical bull.. Happy bday to me
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