Dont worry, she is sitting right next to me. She is making it clear she wants to scissor
Your fb status are always so intriguing.. Often make me picture you naked
Last night when I was hammered I set a reminder to tell you that your boobs are my favorite ones in the world, so this is me giving you that message.
she insisted i was the anonymous guy on formspring that kept asking to bang her
Clearly I went along with it
so im gonna ask for shark week off tomorrow at work and i advise you do the same
as they left, you opened the door, dropped your pants then yelled "don't leave, this is what you're missing"
I got out of bed with her to go smoke a bowl with her roommate which was fine but I passed out when I went upstairs to take a piss.
Yeah.. she's probably not gonna call.
He was a bulldog and my face was like rare meat. Never again with the drunken ones.
no one is here. wer drinking in the beer garden in the dark and we stole a bucket of blue paint off the sidewalk. now her legs are blue.
I'm drunk and I have your birth certificate
We just got home a lil bit ago. No sorority girls showed except the ugly swimmer chick and she asked if I've ever faked an orgasm.
Just masturbating and watching Sports Center...is this what it's like to be a guy?!
Do you know how fucking great a bath bomb is when you're high?
It's scary that my vibrator is a dangerous weapon. I want a new one.
I peed in Andys sink the other day bc I didnt want him to hear me pee
Randomize
