You should be proud. How many people can say they GAVE a stripper an std?
Remember camping when you drank 36 beers to yourself in one day and puked in your tent? Ready for round 2?
The second time he came it projectile shot in my ear
We were in a spooning position and it shot all the way up. He was like sorry. Physics.
Two dicks, one me.
Yoga's definitely paying off.
He gave me the award for most entertaining blow job. That should count for something.
I forgot drug dealers have families, too. Cheers to a sober, uncomfortable, slightly enraging Thanksgiving.
You walked in wearing nothing but a beekeeper mask
Incase you were wondering. Cooking naked turns into sex. Sex and cooking may lead to house fire....
He was telling me how he was trying to grow up. And then 2 minutes later, he told me he was tripping on lsd for the first time.
I just did the math technically I'll be drunk until 2:30-3:00pm
The fact that I’m not married yet means there are millions of lucky girls out there who have dodged a bullet
I miss your drunken presence, and strong odor of hard liquor and potent weed.
It's dangerous to be this horny at work. I'm gonna stain my desk chair
Pretty sure this radio station is run by a cult. Good thing it's in Spanish, can't brainwash someone who can't understand you.
So there we are, fucking beneath the Christmas tree and I glance up and see one of the local Jehovah's witnesses staring in horror through the decorative glass in the front door. I'm so proud of us.
Randomize
