You're a womanizer and a bitch.
I just spent an hour correcting all the grammar and spelling of all the 2pac songs on my ipod
dude you were so wasted last night you ate a sandwich made out of tomatos, cheese, doritos, salt & pepper. Then you heated it in the micro for 5 min to melt the cheese.
i cant talk right now. we are trying to finish our homework so we can play with play-doh
She tied me up with her honor cords...
mom just told me i had to find a fake by next wednesday.
I feel like I should limit myself to one meal prepared from a box per day
He wanted to feed hamburgers to the homeless... as a first date... who the fuck is this kid
No it'll be my boobs and the luge part will be from my nipples. Everyone will be sucking beer from my perfectly sculpted and partially melted tits.
It's been awhile, you pregnant yet?
You can't just snapchat me a picture of a pregnancy test and then not answer your phone
They have beer where we have blood.
It must be love. I'm deleting my porn for him.
Let me get this straight. You stopped mid foreplay to shave your legs?
Um yeah. I wasn't about to shave them if nothing was happening. And I have HBO. It's not like he's the victim here.
I had to take on your role as drunk idiot....I have no idea how you do it so well and so regularly. That shit is exhausting.
Randomize
