there is a polo shirt epidemic at this bar. also, im pretty sure i just saw the grown-up coppertone baby
For his 21st I'm getting a fancy hotel that way he can at least sleep in a nice bathtub
I know I'm all grown up when I don't have to take my pregnancy test in the store bathroom anymore.
He keeps the condoms in his bible. I guess stairs or elevator, we're getting to hell one way or another.
There I was staring at a teeny weeny black one and a huge white one. It was like an episode of Myth Busters
I'm lying topless with an eye infection at the foot of my bed with a dog between my legs. With disney in the background. Its one of those 3 am moments
Ever walked into a basement full of 10 guys jerking it to a live stripper? Cause I have. Always confirm the address of a house party. Always.
Never have i felt more judged than when i was throwing up in front of a hello kitty shower curtain at 5 in the morn
I woke up naked and only wearing cowboy boots, wrapped in a curtain that was still attached to the pole
He's only giving you free adderall so you can focus on his dick.
lost my vibrator and now I have to masturbate manually. The struggle is fucking real.
Strip club or gay bar tonight?
I am an emotionally compromised bisexual.
Egg rolls and cum. Not my worst snack.
Dude I just woke up naked on the floor with my dick in a boot. Legit in a fucking boot. I also have no idea where I am.
My vagina likes him more than I do, but I’m going to follow her lead and see what happens
Randomize
