I'm constantly one strobe light away from an E flashback
I twisted my ankle last night doing a super high five with 3 inch heels on.
He asked if I wanted to blow his flute? Please call me and pretend there is a family emergency!!!
So my professor just changed my Final to 7:45am on May 6th. Shouldn't a Spanish professor understand the implications of Cinco de Mayo???
I woke up pulling sunflower seeds out of my vagina. That kind of night.
All I know is that we apparently made a drink we named The Single Girl which is rum, vodka, grain alcohol, and sprite and rolled around in the backyard.
so... the fat chick just walked over, shook my hand, then introduced herself as "versatile". shoot me now.
This from the guy I found eating salad out of a pot lid in his boxers on his porch last night.
Oh were you the stripper at that club last Sunday when i was trippin on acid wearing a giraffe outfit?
My hands are stained pink. I look like I fisted a muppet.
oh my god I have a fantastic druncle story to tell you. It involves a burrito, a meltdown and a bear
The burrito and meltdown are standard, but I'm intrigued by the bear
Yeah, reverse cow girl. She was on top and I was playing Flappy Bird behind her back. Easiest way to have angry sex.
His abs are so defined he looks like a human xylophone.
A stripper set a mans ass on fire... the club smelled like burning ass and boxers.
I'm at the drive thru window, five minutes out. If the bathtub is empty or you're dressed when I arrive I'm not sharing.
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