I want to make Jon&Kate babies with him. Not in quantity, but in percentage asian.
If you are in NYC and not seeing anyone, you should come fucke me now because:1 i am not in love with you anymore, 2 i am drunk enough where i won't feel the n eed to kisx you awardly to avoid your beard, 3we have unfinished business that i wpn't get -assed unyil orgass have been had, 4 i really really want to
Talking to this girl is like playing minesweeper on hard. There's red flags everywhere.
I spent all night sexting your girlfriend for you because you were too drunk. You're welcome.
One of my students just told me turtles are lazy and need to get a job. Fuck yes, my job here is done.
i almost hope i AM knocked up so i can ruin the rest of his life
It's horrible of you to say your above all this when the bar uses your drunk picture to scare people.
i woke up to banging and pieces of ceiling falling on my face
Its people like u that make people like me go to rehab. He has a lazy eye for christ sakes.
I'm like a magical alcohol dispenser. I pulled this kahlua out of my vagina.
He's not actually Jewish. Turns out he just wears the yarmulke to cover his bald spot.
Look, you don't know disfunction until you've sat on the john taking a shit and crying while totally sober.
Topless Tuesday? One of us will be really happy the other not so much.
You've slept with someone mentioned in the NY Times, that officially makes you the most famous person I know.
i just sneezed the second i jizzed and it got in my eye. words can't describe how much i hate life right now.
Randomize
