I can already tell this is gonna be one of those parties where we sit across the room and text about people.
Yeah but his hole really smells sometimes
You're the only chick there. That's not an orgy, that's called a gang bang...
do you remember wearing her cheetah rainboots and making bacon shirtless?
you kept telling everyone how your ninja turtle shell also functioned as a backpack
i will see naked twins by the end of the night. that's all i know
Shit, my parents are coming over and I just realized that a grinder is not an acceptable paperweight
I just remembered something. Did we really all flash the cab driver to get half off?
1. My arms are cement 2. I wish dogs could answer the phone
Roomie questionaires don't ask any of the important questions like "how do you feel about one night stands" and "will you judge me post-walk of shame"
I feel so bad for your roommate
Got 2 free lines of blow from some random guys on the side of 13th street.....how's your Sunday going?
Fuck you, dude, I'm not sharing my weed anymore if you're going for the Panthers.
His ex told me that she wanted me to "take care of" him but from the way she said it I couldn't tell if she wants me to look after him or murder him.
I'm currently hiding from this horrific thing that we call adulthood. If anyone needs me, I'll be smoking a bowl in the bouncy house.
Right. Cuz nothing screams "You made it!" quite like selling your used underwear to strangers you met on the internet.
Randomize
