Holy cold harsh reality of sobriety batman
I'm so hungover that the internet is hard.
I wasted my skinny years on you. The least you can do is high five me at the bar
Do the low cut shirt test. If he stares at your tits even in front of your brother, he's down.
so I'm in athletic shorts, a suit jacket and I'm still drunk at 6:30am at the last leg of relay for life
i definitely just woke up with half of a cigarette tucked underneath my balls. Last night must have been interesting
I ended up with bruises on the back of my knees. Tell me again how I did this?
You always have that cute deer in the headlights look. Thats what made showing you my penis for the first time so disconcerting.
In other news, someone I've had sex with won jeopardy last night.
No night ever ends well that starts with "you know what this needs? More tequila".
A cute girl just told me she forgot to take her birth control and winked... I've never been so conflicted about fleeing in terror
just woke up. hair smells like weed and bbq. shins are bruised. vague memory of us chasing deer at the park at 3 am. fill me in on what exactly happened.
We could have a classy candlelight sonic dinner with fireball cocktails if you leave now. Twat tickler centerpieces.
A unicorn in pinstripe pants just got on the J at Dolores stop. It can only be a good night
He painted a swimsuit on me. Naked day at the lake was a success.
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