he's the Salvador Dali of pubic shaving
The drink u got me is pineapple something w. Cigarete ashes in it.ima drink it anyway
I just saw the preacher from the church I grew up in while I was buying condoms at the drugstore... he remembered me.
You kept running into the wall most of the night. When people asked you what you were doing you told them you were the kool-aid man and there was little kids on the other side of the wall who needed your juice
Ethically speaking on a scale from 1 to morally wrong, how wrong would it be to give babies ambien? Hypothetically speaking.
Last thing i remember is pounding jager and puking in that nerds george foreman grill. Then i wake up this morning with some random tooth brush in my mouth
ITS A JAGER BOTTLE. NOTHING CAN BE BAD IF ITS JAGER RELATED.
Bartender at the wedding asked if he was making my drinks too strong. I laughed at him.
I don't know how we managed to stay up but we actually sat in front of her open refrigerator for god knows how long while she ate salami straight out of the package with her fingers and I laughed. It was a trainwreck.
Are you high?
The snorkel mask makes that pretty clear
SHUN THE NONBELIEVERS. THUS SAYS THE NIPPLE LORD
The only thing that makes a night with half a bottle of cheap vodka is the other half of that bottle of cheap vodka.
I wish u could call a dildo. Like you do a missing cell phone.
It's 1:37. You have 23 minutes to get your dick to the bar before I go home with the bartender... tick... tick...
She dropped the call after she told me she doesn't want to hear about how loud he can scream.
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