Yep just saw a license plate that read "taint 2" which implies there is a "taint 1". Only in Florida
she was home schooled till college. were she learned how to give the most amazing blowjobs is still a mystery.
Oh, I'm sorry. I'd rather be "doable" than "the fat chick"
Just rescued a super cute pair of Gucci heels off the sorority lawn on my way to work. Things are worth two paychecks. Fuck trust fund kids.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I passed out drunk and Jane had created a picnic on my chest. I had chips and a hamburger laid out on my boobs. The only reason I woke up is she was trying to feed me too.
well, I yelled "the tribe has spoken!" at a boatload of people and then I walked home alone in the pouring rain at 1:30am. karma really is a bitch, yo.
dude I just found tht weird ass guy u invited last night passed out in my closet.... apparently he "couldn't find the exit"
She told me she loved my new hairstyle. I told her its called head head.
I had to reschedule my trainer meeting so now I'm just here eating hot pockets
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I've had more sex since the twins moved in than I'd had in the previous four years. They are the best wingman ever.
None of these texts make sense. except for "step 2.5 equals velociraptor." that i get.
You bet your firm but soft ass I miss you
Shame - the story of my life.
How was your night?
Good. I made people cry and run home
I WILL go to space. And if we find aliens I WILL fuck one. It’s the Marine Corps way
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