WOAH SHIT! That wasn't my girlfriend last night.
The pink midgets playing hockey is the EXACT reason cold meds and alcohol do not mix. Period.
I'm like a rollypolly, I only open my legs up when I feel safe.
i think i would be perfectly content if, on my deathbed, i could look back on a life that didn't have any fisting in it
He wanted me to blow him while he was playing guitar hero. there will not be a second date
ok please explain why some one shaved half of my pubes?
Dude.. You paid a stripper $50 to listen to you cry last night.
Blackout me just wants to pee on sober me's dreams. Literally.
Pizza toast. It's like pizza but on toast. BC we are broke. OMG its so good.
You would never do this sober.
i showed up sober to class for the first time. my prof said that i was "off my game today". i love philosophy
he has pokemon bedsheets but his dick is huge so i took one for the team
YOUR VAGINA IS SO CUTE IT'S LIKE A LITTLE MACAROON
At the light, his mom pulled up next to us while I was giving him road head. He forgot to tell me she was meeting us at the movie. So long story short, I convinced her I drove myself, pick me up in 20.
Mike's letting gay guys do body shots off him again.
My boyfriend, ladies and gentlemen.
You kept apologizing to your car for talking behind its back
Randomize
