Last night I ate the rest of the salsa with my hands. And i DONT have a hangover? Glorious.
there is a school bus full of santas parked in front of the liquor store
he was fingering me, then looked down and said "i like your socks"
you sat up and said "i'm the worst kind of roommate, the drunk kind"
Omg calling you in 10 to update you on who I peed on last night
Remember when you tried to pay that stripper to cry on stage?
Someone just told me I have an ass that could kill small children .... Don't know how to take that one
On another note, why did I wake up wrapped in bubble wrap. I can only assume it was for my own safety
Walk of shaming dressed as a zombie hunter. This hangover feels like the actual apocalypse.
i swear i just dislocated a hip staying still
WHAT GOOD IS APPRECIATING IF NOBODY'S NAKED
Well she just asked a sorority girl if she should fuck her floor mate so it's basically like the blind leading the blind
I haven't gotten dressed in 4 days. God bless you, unemployment.
Live it up bro, they're always so surprised to find out you use magnums, being such a tiny man and all. It's a good thing.
Put the lady boner away. He's engaged. To my brother. No, life is not fair.
Randomize
