Then all the boys were saying that they were amazed at how much i could smoke...i'm so proud of myself
can't come out tonight. went to the bar again last night and the bartender hugged and thanked me so much for my "generosity." I'm intrigued but terrified to see my credit card bill.
You don't have to believe me. My vagina knows it happened.
I just found the gloves and lightbulb I stole. Did you pee on a ATM inside a bank?
Remember camping when you drank 36 beers to yourself in one day and puked in your tent? Ready for round 2?
I also found a beer label in my bra and I'm pretty sure you put it there and said "this means I trust you"
I invited you and you fucked me in the face with the penis of disappointment and shit.
How's the hangover?
I've been begging my dog to mercy kill me for over an hour. He has this look like he might do it, you know, as my best friend should.
while i am personally glad that we met...i feel like for society as a whole it was a bad thing
DO YOU REALIZE HOW AWESOME MY GRANDMA WOULD BE IF SHE GOT HIGH
Was the picture of her twerking on a fake plant sufficient?
I don't think I've ever had this many people offer me blow before. 3 o'clock on a Thursday. I keep good company.
I learned a valuable lesson about combining day drinking with malt liquor: you may think you have super powers, but that's just the Steel Reserve talking.
why does every cop we meet know your name?
Just told my mom life fisted my asshole. She looked at me with complete understanding. I'm scared...
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