I am pretty sure he just licked my hand while trying to sing goo goo dolls iris to me. Get me out of this state.
Is it too weird if im a sexy tampon for halloween?
dont worry, it'll just be a conversation starter like "why did you get that pierced?" or "wow, i got arrested there too"
some chick tossed a drink in your face at the bar last night. your mouth was opened so i think you ended up swallowing at least half of it. good job.
Would it be tacky of me to tell the two girls I just found out he's been sleeping with on the side that I've been having gay sex with him all semester?
She described me as " a caterpillar of adorable quietness that exploded into a slutty butterfly" She definitely nailed it there
So apparently I ended up throwing my clothes in the toilet after getting kicked out of TQ and ran around the neighborhood in my boxers. Works gonna suck hard once this hangover kicks in. Also: I lost a shoe so looks like flipflops for the rest of winter
All I could think about while he was going down on me was that his moustache reminded me that I want to try something new with my pubic hair.
I've justified worse with less. I had sex with your brother because he was wearing a nice sweater
Note to self...boner negates all verbal agreements ...got it
I still have your make up all over the inside of my thighs from the face sitting. Free tonight?
Wore a burger king crown while giving head still drunk this morning #blessed
We were fucking and his phone rang and it was his grandma. He just had a conversation with his grandma while fucking me from behind. Then his dad called and asked him what he wanted from taco bell.
How's my sex life is me mastubating next to her dog. that's how it's going.
Dear in laws. I am not spending any holidays with you. I dislike your company. A lot.
Randomize
