we were all standing in the kitchen taking shots and we look over at you and your face is in the plate of spaghetti you were eating.
All I've accomplished this quarter is making Uno an acceptable drinking game.
I turned down free cocaine. I both respect and regret and that decision.
We need to stop celebrating holidays that dont belong to us
Im going home to examine my vagina with a hand mirror. wish me luck.
I HAVE MY OWN TITS FOR THAT AND I CAN GUARANTEE THAT THEYRE MORE GLORIOUS
was it me or did you scream 'champagne motherfucker' when you punched him in the face ??
JOY: That feeling when you crack open a handle for the first time, and the flow limiter comes off with the cap.
Hey.. there are 2 people i've never met before spooning in the bathtub. Please elaborate on what went down last night.
Do you remember trying to make pizzas with the domino workers last night...while trying to speak their language with them.. spanish?
because. if I can't sit outside naked and eat my watermelon every morning then I really don't see the point in moving in with you.
Trust no bitch in laser tag. Not a single one.
Let me rub your butt and eat French fries from your mouth and dip them in your ketchup filled belly button.
Well you were listening to music and having sex really loudly. How was I supposed to know you'd hear me making rocket sounds?
I seriously thought Satan had his hand up my asshole and was pulling out my soul. Never. Again.
Randomize
