i fell asleep last night with fifteen animal crackers in my mouth. rock bottom dude.
I'm thinking we should try to start remembering stuff we do. Althought I kinda like feeling like Nancy Drew the next morning.
More like the Hardy Boys cause its kinda like a team effort.
just brushed my teeth with a bottle of jack. ew. not all it's hyped up to be.
Nothing says I have a hang over like telling your boss to "eat your shit"
I'm stoned at 1030am, watching Maury with my exboyfriend. I need to make better choices with my life.
I accidentally KO'd a baby in the airport. Thought you should know.
Just sharpening my eyeliner with a butterfly knife. You know. Typical weekday morning.
Ski vacations are for hooking up with randoms. It's like I don't even know you
Going through Bojangles drive thru chanting "KFC" hammered at 8:00 was the highlight.
If I hid at school to avoid the cops, is it fleeing and evading or just being a good student?
There's like a dolphin trainer convention here or something. I will parlay this trip to Vegas into riding Shamu if its the last thing I do.
I don't think I've ever met a guy with a bush bad enough that I would choose a cactus over it.
you said you heard a baby, so i told you to go feed it. you came back 2 hours later with a pizza and when i asked you where the baby went you pointed to the pizza and puked.
You just kept telling everyone to call you MFT.. Mother Fucking Tornado.
I just found an old slice of LIME in my wallet?????????
Randomize
