I don't think I can get bothered with getting laid tonight
his penis was like watching paranormal activity your very hyped up to see it but you think it might be very scary and in the end you didnt really see anything at all
just saw a guy throwing up in the urinal at Dennys. Either he had one hell of last night or we are going to eat somewhere else
and yes, the jail cell in Citi Field does have a big Mets symbol in it
They turned the water off again. Brushed my teeth with whats left from those pitchers of mojitos. So hung over i dont even care.
my roommate just showed up covered in dirt, drunk....with a whole ice cream cake that says "it's a girl".
You know your in for a great weekend when you buy the booze already in crutches
michael burned off one of his eyebrows making a pizza so he had to shave off the other one to make it look even. it doesn't look right, but I'd still bang him.
I mean I love some drunk compliments, but he just wasn't up to my low standards.
He was too drunk, and my mother and I ended up babysitting him. He told her I have amazing mouth skills, and that I love the "chorizo" he feeds me. All she said was "And on the list of 30 things you never want to hear about your daughter..." while gripping the steering wheel.Please just fucking kill me now.
I'm pretty sure male strippers are the last things I need in my life right now.
I know I say this every year but 2015 will be the year I finally have sex with David's sister
Every time our eyes meet, I silently summon him to my vagina.
I just got wasted for $3.50. My life can't get any better.
These freshmen are fun! The redhead wants to practice her blowjob skills with me and let me rate different moves!
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