I'm doing shots of crown out of a baby bottle. My friends are sensational parents.
is this the sara with the beer cane?
Yeah, she tried to drown her but then they hooked up.
All I'm asking for is flower occasionally, and in return you get to come home to me naked in heels. Is that to much to ask for?
make that a herd of moose. they will be my moose minions
So I had sex in the woods today. Anything else that happened today? Irrelevant. It was a GOOD day.
I think it was a smart move. Quickest way to get over a guy, hook up with his friends.
Because you hugged a homeless guy, and I paid him 5 bucks to give us our giraffe balloon animal back. That's why.
My sack is cleanly shaven and the rest of my body has been manscaped. i even put aftershave on my junk. i feel sleek like a fighter jet right now.
just because i'm not a monk anymore doesn't mean I need to tell you about my new sex life.
which is fantastic by the way.
Public service announcement: Just bc it is Margarita Monday does NOT mean your stomach will readily accept that much alcohol. There IS a reason it isn't called Magical Monday. On that note, better luck on Tequila Tuesday.
Well, thanks for not letting me sleep with anyone, but no thanks for telling everyone I have the clap.
That's nice of you to be concerned, but I'm pretty confident I'll marry someone 30 years older than me, ride out being the trophy wife for 10 or 15 years, then live large!
I forget, are we banging TA’s for grades this semester or not?
Depends on how cute he is
Neighbor just came over and asked if I had anything to clean blood out of carpet... it's definitely time to move.
Randomize
