I was in the bathroom and her cat just looked at my penis with a profound hatred.
stupid gm bankruptcy made me miss the showcase showdown
Those cock suckers. We need to know who's winning the hot tub and the vacation to the alps
there's a taquito in the driveway. If it's not yours I'm going to eat it.
no, I didn't make it. Instead, i watched VH1 for... 13 hours? I use the question mark because I was using Flavor Flav's clocks to tell time after the first 3 hours.
This situation is one cop call away from being a Lifetime movie.
Because ur a stupid bitch
Actually, I'm graduating from college on Saturday so that makes me a well educated bitch.
the facebook you made of my ass has 10 times more friends than i do.
That was the most comfortable bag of doritos I have ever slept on!
Im going home to examine my vagina with a hand mirror. wish me luck.
I met her at the liquor store. I hope I'm wearing a condom
i came home to her naked eating chilli on the living room floor. Stop giving her jager.
When I told him he could take naked pics of me, did I really need to specify that he could not email them to my brother's friends for bragging rights?
Wound up hungover. Visiting 4 y/o nephew suggested cookies and milk and playing Kirby with him with the sound down. This kid is going places.
The oven caught fire. I put it out, but called the fire department just to make sure it was okay since the smoke wasn't going away
You just wanted to meet firemen
My dad told me that my grandparents are giving me $20,000 and my actual response was "do you know how many kittens I could buy with that?!?"
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